I have a weird habit. In fact, it might be a form of self-sabotage: whenever I actually start to feel productive, one of my reflexes is to do a bit of work and then move on to something else, even if I’m still feeling productive. It’s almost as if I’m worried I’ll run out of productive zazz, as it it’s some sort of limited resource. But I have to wonder if I’m conditioning myself to stop working whenever I feel motivated. And as a result, if my baseline level of productivity and motivation is in danger of decreasing.
This blog is a perfect example. Multiple times since I started it today I’ve thought: “Hey, I’ve got a few ideas for posts, but let’s go play some Deus Ex for a bit.” So far I’ve resisted that urge, and I feel great for it. I’m energized in a way I don’t often feel these days, engaged in day-to-day reality more so than usual.
But I’m still scared of losing that feeling.
I guess that’s something I need to work on: not being worried about succeeding.