It’s weird, knowing that people read your blog. I mean, sure, it’s one thing to write a post and get comments, but having someone come up to you face to face and mention it is somehow different. Kinda surreal. One of my friends compared reading my blog to being able to root through my underwear drawer. Sorry to burst your bubble, but my underwear had a tendency to live on the floor (don’t worry, clean clothes and dirty ones are separate piles). How’s that for personal over-sharing?
But knowing that people read my blog has other consequences as well. For one, I’m more conscious about whether I have anything worth saying, or if what I write is going to be worth reading. It’s likely just Self Doubt starting to whisper again, but I seem to be a bit susceptible right now, seeing as I’m running low on sleep.
I would do well to remember how lack of sleep affects me: I tend to end up in a depressed funk. The problem with these funks, however, is I generally don’t realize I’m in one until I’m on my way out. Depression has a way of subtly coloring your worldview until you don’t realize how bad it’s gotten. It’s like when you don’t realize how bad your eyesight is until you get glasses. (n.b. I have not been formally diagnosed with depression, it’s just something I’ve noticed a tendency towards)
Anyway, like I said, I’m feeling some new-found pressure to Write Well, rather than just Write. I should have seen this coming once I released this blog into the wild, but it’s still something to get used to. If nothing else, the person I present myself as in public is not always the same as the one I am in my own head. That’s not to say I don’t want or appreciate having readers (I do); I’m just trying to work something out in my own head via the written word. I will say this: I think I am much more interesting when I am well rested. So I will strive to stay that way as much as possible. No promises, though.
I thought about apologizing, mentioning how I didn’t want this blog to become a “poor me” whiny emo fest (that’s what LiveJournal is for!), but then I realized that I think my goal of writing regularly is more important than writing only interesting things. So while I cannot say that my posts will always be interesting, I will strive to make them so as I find things I want to say. You don’t have to read my words, but I do appreciate it. I am so far keeping up with reading (and approving) comments, and will endeavor to respond when I have something to say.
And hey, here’s to one week of daily posting!