Cooking up a batch of Rice Krispie Treats last night got me thinking about the Treats, and how they’ve been a part of my life for a long time. The joys of gluttony shared with friends and family. So read on; the anecdotes are in no particular order. If you’re nice, maybe I’ll reveal my (not-so) secret Rice Krispie Shame as a Christmas gift!

Rice Krispie Treats are something of a tradition in my family. They’re pretty much our go-to choice for a sweet dessert treat; after all, growing up with a bunch of lactards (i.e., people who aren’t freakish mutants who can digest dairy after infancy) and later those who went gluten free does tend to limit one’s options. As such, making them became something of an art. But like any family tradition, our Rice Krispie Treats have picked up a few quirks along the way.

I never did care for the pre-made treats, whether foil wrapped and individually packaged or purchased over the counter at a cafe; they never tasted right, and were often far too dry. We tend to make our treats with a whole pound of marshmallows. This makes them extra gooey, barely solid enough to hold their shape. Some might be concerned about the extra sugar added, to which I would say: if you’re worried about sugar, why are you eating Rice Krispie Treats in the first place? And just to make those people cringe some more, when I was in college (and still living at home), someone had the bright idea to slather frosting on top of the tray. It was not uncommon for me, my brother, and my dad to eat half a pan after dinner, put on a movie, and finish the other half by the end of the night.

This has developed into what I call my “Pancreas Destroyers.” First, I grab half a stick of butter and coat the pot and pan (the pot being the original one my family started using for Treats), then melt it over medium-low heat (about 3 out of 10). Then, I add a package of the jumbo marshmallows (24 ounces worth). Well, not the entire package; at least one marshmallow gets eaten as a sacrifice before the rest get melted down. Once the goo is properly homogenized, I take the pot off the burner and stir in about 10 cups of Rice Krispies (or suitable store brand). Before the amorphous blob congeals, I spoon it into a 9×13 pan. Wetting my hands to avoid extra sticking, I flatten out the proto-Treats. I then stick them in the fridge to (mostly) solidify. But the pièce de réistance is the entire 1-lb tub of frosting (usually chocolate, but I have been known to use lemon during the summer) that gets slathered on top.

Mmm, diabetes..