Remember how I talked about how I could psych myself out if I took too long to make a decision? Well, guess what I’ve done!
At this point, I’ve decided I want a smartphone. I’ve even decided what kind: a Moto X, from Motorola. It seems to have the right balance of price and power; not bleeding edge, but not bargain barrel either. One other thing I like about it is it can be customized with various colors, accents, and even personalized engravings. In what should come as a surprise to no one who knows me, I’m looking at one with a green back. I’ve been waffling between the two storage options (16GB vs 32GB), am leaning towards the latter, larger option. I’ve pretty much done everything except order the thing.
I haven’t ordered it yet. And after the past weekend, I had a bit of an existential crisis: I didn’t need a smartphone, let alone a green one. Couldn’t I just get a green case and customize it that way? I also made the mistake of shopping around, where I was able to find better deals on the phone, but without the customization options (16GB, black or white only). Was it worth it to pass up a bargain for something as superfluous as a change of color? Did I even deserve a fancy phone?
Luckily, my girlfriend was able to talk me down off the metaphorical ledge. She reminded me that I would probably be happier in the long run going with what I originally decided, rather than compromising. That it was okay to be whimsical and occasionally treat myself.
Which brings me to an interesting point. The idea of “deserving” nice things is an odd one, as I’m not sure where it came from. I’ve always been fairly hard on myself; as a kid I always raked myself over the coals for minor infractions well before my parents ever found out. You could say that no one beats me up like I do.
But where did this idea come from? Is it some sort of lingering, internalized Catholic guilt? Some remnant of overachieving and perfectionism? Whatever it is, it clearly isn’t rational. But I feel that if I can figure out why, I can better control it.
This will definitely bear some thinking on. I may even try to do it on this blog. But it’s getting late, and I don’t really want to get into it tonight.