I don’t have much to say today. I didn’t do much today. I’m not feeling particularly ranty about anything. I’m not even feeling particularly depressed, which I suppose is a good thing. But that kind of eliminates the easy topics, doesn’t it?
But I’ve made a deal with myself. I have to write a post every weekday, even if it feels like I have nothing to say. Readers of this blog (and those of you who do read regularly, thank you) have probably noticed quite a few entries that have started out as “I don’t know what to write about.” And yet, I ended up writing about something.
So what did I do today? Well, I had the day off work, so I slept in. I even managed to get out of bed. I ate some food to keep myself from getting too hungry. I watched an episode of Eureka. I got around to reading/closing several browser tabs. I read some of the graphic novels I picked up from the library. I spent most of the day in the basement, in front of the television. I completed some quests in Dragon’s Dogma (the fantasy game I’m currently playing). I picked up a bit after the weekend (but not too much). I checked Facebook. I checked Tumblr. I even remembered to write a post.
You may say that it’s easier to just not post than to write some random filler like this. But for me, that completely misses the point. Sure, what I have to say when I feel like this may not be that interesting, but at least I’m writing. I’m following through with a goal (unlike my undergraduate major) that hasn’t turned around to bite me yet (unlike grad school). I’m writing, and that has to count for something.
I’ll admit, there have been days when I haven’t written. But I’ve made sure there was a post for those days, often by dipping into whatever buffer exists. I’m already ahead, I’ve thought, so I can stand to relax a bit. But if I don’t have a buffer, not writing/posting merely because “I don’t feel like it” would be akin to admitting defeat.
I’ll admit, it’s hard for me to get motivated about things. I don’t know if this is recent or a more chronic problem, but it exists. It’s probably tied to my depression, if anything. But rather than having this writing commitment become one more thing to feel guilty about, I’ve largely managed to stay on target. True, I’ve been meaning to re-build my buffer for the past few weeks, and that hasn’t happened. True, when I put off writing I tend to end up with filler posts like this. But at least I’m writing. Even if I don’t have anything to say, at least I’m using a lot of words to do it. Sometimes showing up is all you can manage. But at least you’ve done that.