Because I know a lot of my friends and family are going to be asking me, I’d like to take the opportunity to answer some of them in one place.
No, I did not get the job I interviewed for two weeks ago. They ended up “going with someone who had more production experience” but “would keep my resume on file.” So once again, I don’t have the experience I need to get experience. This is why I try not to talk about job prospects. They always seem to shrivel up and die as soon as I get attached to the idea.
Yes, this has made me feel depressed. I expected this, as it has happened every time I get turned down for a job opportunity I get even remotely excited about (read: pretty much all of them). I am trying to let the fact that this happens every time not get me down too much, letting the malaise just wash over me. But it’s really hard to not brood when you’re stuck in a job that doesn’t appreciate or fulfill you.
No, I don’t get to go to fighter practice this week. Apparently, my availability isn’t worth the cheap paper it’s printed on, and I have to work both Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Again. And apparently I don’t have enough of a spine to stick up for myself in any reasonable fashion, which is just making me feel even worse
Yes, I hate my job. My needs are not being honored. I’m being forced to do more work for less money. Morale is low. Hours are being cut, and I’m not making as much money. And I don’t know who I can go to about my problems (Management? My problem is with management!).
No, I don’t know what I can do about this.
Did I mention I was depressed?
So that’s where I stand. Depressed, self-loathing, and still stuck in a dead-end job that just wants to suck every modicum of drive and usefulness out of me before it spits me out. I really need to hit something this week, so of course I can’t. And while I know I’m in a bad mood, that doesn’t seem to be helping me end it.