Uncomfortable Realizations

I’m finding it really hard to write lately. Whether it’s lack of sleep, or just mental exhaustion from my new job, I find it very annoying. But at the same time, I don’t want to stop writing. What is one to do?

I originally started this blog so that I could have a mental outlet that my job at Costco wasn’t providing me. And it was great for that! Even if I put off writing, I could still get a relatively interesting post up fairly regularly. I even managed to hold on to the occasional buffer!

But since I started working in the architecture field, I find myself with a lot fewer resources, both temporal and mental. It used to be that I could write after I got home from work at 2pm and still post close enough to my self-imposed deadline of noon. I basically had the afternoon to myself, free of distractions (well, aside from those I made for myself). But now, I get off work at 5, and my girlfriend is generally home within a few minutes of my arrival. And while I tried writing in the morning, being creative and/or thoughtful while still waking up was less than productive.

I am also using my brain a lot more at work these days. Sure, CAD and construction documents can be fairly repetitive, but I’m new enough (and rusty/inexperienced enough) that figuring out what needs to be done is a challenge in and of itself. More often than not I find myself mentally drained when I get home from work, with barely enough gumption to decide what to do for dinner, let alone what to write about (the irony of this is I often feel better after I eat, but that doesn’t help me make a decision).

Like I said, I really don’t want to have to put this blog on hiatus. I’ve set a goal to write every day, and that is important to me. And for the most part, I’ve done it. Sure, “posting every day” and “writing every day” aren’t the same things (which is how I’ve burned through whatever buffers I’ve been able to conjure up lately), but it’s still pretty close. I guess I’m just going to have to make peace with the idea that if I want my blog to continue (I do), it might suck for a while.

But really, this is only a concern if I’m worried about what other people think of my writing (which I clearly am, otherwise I’d keep a private journal). But if I’m writing primarily for myself, then the act of writing should be enough. And maybe it is, if I’d just let myself see it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Agents of SHIELD is coming on soon, and I didn’t get a good night’s sleep to start off the week, so I think that’s all I’ve got.