I’m not sure my method of writing after work is working as well as I’d like. Work apparently takes much more mental energy than I think, leaving me writing fairly hollow “I don’t know what to write” posts. Writing during my lunch break also doesn’t seem to be working; I seem to need the down time more than I need to write. Writing during the morning also hasn’t really happened; it’s about all I can do to wake up and get going on time with everything I need for the day.
When am I going to write?
It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’ve got so little time for my hobbies (read: reading, writing, video games, etc.) that I’m seriously considering setting my alarm earlier, just so I have more down time in the morning. I suppose I could stay up later, but that only works up to a point. Sleep doesn’t seem to recharge Spoons at the same rate as quiet time does, but borrowing too much from the former to increase the latter can also take Spoons. That is to say, sleeping isn’t always the same as resting, but too little sleep isn’t good either.
So I’ve got a bit of a conundrum. I want to continue writing, but I’m not sure when I can fit it in. But does that mean I don’t really want to? If I really wanted to write, wouldn’t I find a way to do so? And of course, the self-loathing engine then starts up. Because I have a number of things I “want” to do, of varying levels of engagement, but trying to do them all just results in mediocrity all around. Of course, the irony of the fact that I’m writing this at the last minute before heading off to fighter practice while wishing I could just stay home and play video games isn’t lost on me. I just wish the whole situation wasn’t something that my negative internal voices tended to latch on to.
But hey: humanity has landed on a comet. That’s pretty awesome.