I’ve been finding it really hard to write lately. For whatever reason, blogging has felt more like an obligation and less like a hobby. It’s something I have to remind myself to do, something that often makes me feel guilty when I don’t. I’ll be looking forward to a nice quiet night of video games and very little human contact until I think “oh wait, I still have to blog today,” which tends to bring down my mood.
But at the same time, I really don’t want to stop blogging. It’s just that I don’t seem to have much to say about things, and I keep getting easily distracted. For instance: it’s almost 9pm as I write this. What I meant to do upon getting home after grocery shopping was put away groceries, write quickly, then start a new video game. What I have done is put away groceries, sort out junk mail, surf the Internet, watch a few videos, buy a few games on sale, waste time on Clicker Heroes (one of those idle games that will suck your concentration, accomplishes nothing, and I can’t stop playing), and finally, write yet another post about how writing is hard.
Maybe I’m just low on energy in general. The past few weeks have been busy, and I’ve missed posting the past few Fridays because I’ve gone out of town for one reason or another. And while those trips have been really enjoyable, it’s still taken a lot out of me. Luckily I’ve got a free weekend between now and Thanksgiving, otherwise I’m not sure what I’d do.
But because I’m so drained, things are piling up, both pleasure and obligations. I can’t help but think that something’s going to have to give. I just really don’t want it to be this blog. But I don’t know what I can do. I’ve thought about putting it on hiatus, queuing up some of the fiction I wrote in college to keep new content coming. But I don’t want to use that option until I have to. After all, what would I do if I needed more some time later?
I don’t know. I’m just tired. But at least I’m still writing.