At about one in the morning last night I rolled over and woke up (probably because my nose was all snotted up from the cold my lovely girlfriend shared with me). I looked at the clock and realized I had forgotten to write a post.
In my defense Yesterday was a crazy day. I had my phone interview (which I don’t think I bombed), so my hour or so between getting home from work and the call was spent prepping and cramming. Then, I decided to decompress for a bit. Before I knew it, it was time for dinner and Agents of SHIELD was about to come on the air. By the time it ended, it was time to go to bed after a bit more fooling around.
I could sit here and make excuses, but I don’t feel the need. Last time this happened I was in the middle of a Funk, so my reaction should be taken with a retroactive grain of salt. I think it also helps that my bubble of perfectionism has already been burst, thus why it stings less the second time. Not that I plan to make this a habit or anything; I just wanted to let you know that I’m not beating myself up as much about a missed post as I did last time. If I was, I would have leapt out of bed and cranked something out. But so it goes.
It did make me think of the first time I can remember getting a less-than-perfect grade. It must have been third grad or so; my family had already moved to Colorado, and I was quite settled in at elementary school. As you can imagine, given the fact that I still remember this incident (down to the hallway I was in after getting the news), I was still well in my overachieving days. The school I was at didn’t grade with a typical scale (A, B, C, D, F); instead they used a “√+, √, √-” scale, with a “Check Plus” being the highest grade. I think they did that so that us young pups wouldn’t be crushed by getting an “F.” This was the early 90s, after all, the start of the “everyone gets a trophy” generation.
To tell the truth, I don’t even remember what the assignment was, I just remember the horror of getting a √-, of being less than perfect for the first time in my short life. Looking back, the grade may have even been a √, but that was just as bad to my fragile ego.
I was crushed.
I imagine my parents had quite the job talking me down off the proverbial ledge, but I have always been much harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. I don’t remember what penance I sought, but I’m sure it was thoroughly grueling for my young psyche.
I guess I have gotten better about failure, but it’s still not a fun experience. In addition to forgetting to write yesterday, I also realized that in one of the interview thank-you emails I sent out I forgot to copy in the recipient’s name. But I was proud of myself, because I was able to avoid sliding into another Funk.
So yeah, I gots me some issues. But I’ve gotten better, so that has to be worth something, right?