So as you may have noticed, my updates this past week have been a bit sparse. I haven’t put much thought into them, and even if no one else cares, they’ve felt like little more than token efforts to me. I’d like to talk a bit about why.
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am an introvert (also, sarcastic). In other words, it takes effort and energy on my part to be social, and I need periodic downtime to myself to recharge. Luckily my girlfriend understands this, as she has similar reactions to social settings (although she hides it a bit better). Normally it’s not that hard to find time to recharge; one advantage of working early mornings is that I have large chunks of the afternoon to myself. But expending too much energy in too short a time has consequences, ones that can take longer than expected to pass.
And that’s kind of where I am. Last week was a very busy one socially. I ended up spending time with people that I only get to see occasionally, and while it was fun, I’m coming to realize it disrupted my equilibrium more than I thought. I’ve gotten better and pacing myself over the years, but I can still be blindsided by the amount of energy it can take to be social. So last week I overextended myself, and this week has been a busy one at work. Exacerbated, of course, by the fact that I was already running on fumes.
Normally when this happens I can just turn myself into a hermit for a week or two, in a kind of hard reset of my Spoon Bank. But for one reason or another, I haven’t been able to do that. I still feel like I’m running on fumes, and am likely going to have to do so through this next weekend as well.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy being social, or am not looking forward to a weekend with friends. I do and am, but I’m having to be very careful with how I allocate what resources I do have. Because unfortunately, the stage after Hermit is Funk; unable to attain the former, I will default to the latter. And I really don’t want to do that. Funks are still difficult to avoid, let alone get out of.
So that’s where I am. I’m in need of downtime, but am unable to get the needed amount in the immediate future. But I will cowboy up and press on, like a well-rounded, fully-functional adult who is in charge of their own life.
Well, fake it until you make it.